Tired...

This batch of classes is definitely more challenging than the last. I've stayed up late every night this week working on assignments and cleaning my house little by little. I have another assignment due tomorrow and I have to finish the housework before my guests arrive on Saturday. Shopping, cleaning, studying... leaves very little time for sleep. I am glad (at the moment) that Aaron is at work. If he were home, he would not be happy about how much time I am spending on my other commitments. I wish I was able to fit a housekeeper (at least once a week) into my budget to help me keep ahead of everything. It would be nice to wake up in the morning and not be out of clean socks because I forgot to put a load of laundry in the wash...

Chicken soup...

There is nothing better when you don't feel well than chicken soup... I felt better today than I have all weekend, but I woke up with the same headache that I have had since Friday night. I know it probably has to do with the fact that I haven't really eaten much since I got the news about my grandma. So, today I ventured out and got some ingredients and made some chicken soup.

While it was cooking, I received phone calls from various family members. I was so great to talk to them after the initial shock. My aunt was the first one that I talked to. My grandmother lived with her and my uncle, so this has been really hard on her. We were able to get through the majority of our conversation without breaking down, so that must be progress. She gave me some pointers about the soup, and we spoke about my grandma.

I was able to eat my soup, and think about my grandma, and know that she loved me. She will always be with me. Her traditions will live on, and I will cherish the memories that I have.

I look forward to receiving her final gift to me. She intended to give it to me for Christmas, but hadn't been able to send it yet. It will be my most cherished item from her. My aunt will send it to me. But, she is keeping my grandma's secret. I have no idea what it is. I only know that it is a special gift, reserved just for her granddaughters.

Grieving alone...

As a pilot wife, I have become accustomed to spending holidays and birthdays alone... I never thought I would have to grieve alone...

Being so isolated from my family has strengthened my relationship with my husband. He is my best friend, my rock, my support... It is so difficult to have to go through this alone, with him so far away and unable to come home.

I wish he were here... To be a shoulder to cry on... To be the one to bring me something to eat... To sneak a sleeping pill into my drink so I can get some sleep... To just be here...

Thank you for all your nice comments. While it doesn't address my immediate need, it is a great support to me in this time.

Wracked with grief...

I never fully comprehended this phrase until today...

My grandmother passed away this afternoon... The woman who I am most like, in stature and personality, is gone. She was a wonderful example of strength and resilience. She always had enough love to give to all her grandchildren, even when they irritated her (as I did on several occasions).

My boss sent me home after finding me sobbing at my desk (I got the call while I was at work). I called Aaron, who is in Bethel. I'm not sure yet if he will be able to come home at this time or not. He'll let me know later tonight. I kept it together enough to drive home, but as soon as I got in the door, I cried like I haven't in a very long time. I had one of those crying jags that makes you sick. I am crying as I write this now, but it's a much more subdued version, with the occasional hiccup or sniffle.

I will think of her often and miss her dearly...

EWWWW!!!!!!

I have found where the mice are coming in to my house... At least, I think I did... But I need Aaron to help me confirm...

I walked in to my kitchen last night to get a snack, when I spotted something on my counter... Of course I screamed like someone was killing me! You would have too! Don't deny it! I watched it run super-fast across the counter, across the stove, and behind the stove... I think they are crawling up the cord? Who knows...

Of course, my over-reaction/freakout over a mouse just got Noni all excited! She had to go sniff EVERYWHERE! to find what I was screaming about... At least now, I can say "Noni, where's that mouse" and she'll start looking for it, thus keeping it (and any others) in it's little hidey hole for a while longer...

I may send cotton balls with peppermint on them behind the stove, but that may drive them further into my house to avoid the smell (especially if they are already IN my house when I bomb it with peppermint)... On second thought, that might not be a good idea right now...

I have plans (when Aaron comes home, of course) to move the stove, see what's what, clean the area, and stop up any holes that we can with steel wool... Then I'll peppermint the heck out of the area... Maybe this will prompt us moving the fridge and/or dishwasher to see what's what there too...

My life, in review...

I had a very long list of things to do today... I didn't do any of them... Let's start from the beginning...

This morning, I woke up, got dressed, made a bowl of cereal and decided to start watching my Charmed complete series (I did not expect to watch the ENTIRE series today, but I did start watching it today)... That is when I discovered that my Collectors Edition "Book of Shadows" has a manufacturer's error and half of the discs are contaminated with glue. I have a few things I am going to try to remove the glue before I request replacements. So, that started my day.

That moved me upstairs to my computer, where I found out that others had the same problem. While here, I checked my previous classes for school to see if my final grade had been published for my second class. It had. I also completed that class with an A! (Yeah, I know... I rock!)

That kept me on my computer, doing a little celebrating, playing games on Facebook, reading other blogs...

And I got caught up in my own. I'm not sure just what inspired me to do this, but I read my blog from beginning to end. I've heard of stalking other blogs in this fashion, but your own? Does that mean I'm certifiable?

I had forgotten many things over the last year and a half... Many things I was pleasantly amused with. Sometimes, I think I'm pretty funny (or at least, I try to be). I also noticed that many things I set out to do are still undone. I never did achieve my goal of being back to a size 10 by 29. I never did completely organize my office. I still haven't gotten Aaron to clean up on his side of the bed before he leaves for work... It makes me think that I'm not as productive as I think I am or want to be... It's kind of depressing, actually... I'm not sure if it is due to my schedule or the fact that I am pretty lazy...

So reading about my life, as I wrote it, took up my whole day. I didn't do the laundry that I had planned to. I didn't clean my house as I intended to (while watching Charmed)... I didn't start clearing out my office... I didn't start reading my assignment for the week... I didn't do anything but reintroduce myself to myself..

Here's hoping that I am motivated enough in 2010 to accomplish SOMETHING that I have put "out there" on my blog... I want to say that I'll make that a goal, but I can see that my track record proves otherwise...

Sad Sunday

Aaron went back to work today. I missed his call when he was checking in to say he made it on the flight from Anchorage to Bethel. I hope he isn't over-doing it today. Yesterday, we had so much activity that we were both worried that he would exacerbate his mouth issues.

As for yesterday, we got almost everything accomplished, except for cleaning the house, doing my schoolwork, and working on the PWC site. I'm glad it's a 3-day weekend so I have a little bit of time to work on stuff.

We got the tree down (and I have the scratches, cuts, and puncture wounds to prove it), but neither of us had the energy (let alone, a ladder) to put it back in the attic. I am going to do some cleaning/reorganizing of my office and it will come up here for a while. When he gets back home in February, he'll make arrangements for someone to assist him in putting the Christmas stuff in the attic.

I slept longer than I intended today (I try to get up by 9 on the weekends, so my work week isn't so fatiguing). But, I figured since I had to get up at 5:30 to take him to the airport, I could sleep in a little later. I am still really tired and may end up taking a nap later today. We'll see how I am then.

I still have a paper to write, so I better get on it. Hopefully, the research I did yesterday morning will make it easier for me to write so I can get to my other chores.

Checklist for Today

1. Go to the hanger to get the cardboard that has been sitting in the corner since we moved in almost a year ago...

2. Go to my office and get the cardboard and other recyclables there to maximize my trip to the dump.

3. Take all recyclables to the dump to be recycled

4. Go back to the hanger to assemble a router table that Aaron was given (since all of his tools are there)

5. Come back to the house with the router table assembled and put in the garage.

6. Clean the house

7. Take down the Christmas Tree

8. Draft paper that is due tomorrow

9. Find time to help work on the PWC website with Summer.

10. Go shopping to get Aaron's supplies for Bethel.

11. Get Aaron packed so he can go back to work tomorrow...

(and most of the day is gone already... hopefully we'll fit in lunch & dinner in there somewhere...)

Ready, set....

....... Sleep!

I wish... I've been really sleep-deprived this week... All the activity yesterday and today hasn't helped...

And we still have our Christmas tree up.... Ugh... I have a Pampered Chef party scheduled at my house at the end of the month and I have a feeling that I will end up taking it down by myself again. Aaron is feeling much better today, but he's still technically recovering, so he shouldn't do too much. He's also thinking of going back to work on Sunday, which means that all day tomorrow we'll be running around gathering what he needs to take to Bethel with him so we can get up at 5 AM on Sunday so he can catch the first jet to Anchorage... I abhor 5 AM on a Sunday... Sunday is the day of rest, and I don't get enough of it...

I started to take a nap this evening, while Aaron tried to get my anti-virus program to work. (I bought it 3 months ago and it won't get past the installation stage on this computer, but works fine on my netbook). True to form, as soon as I start dozing off, he comes in and starts talking at me... He expected a response too... Ugh... Whenever he wakes me up, it takes FOREVER to fall back to sleep, hence the sleep deprivation. I kind of wish he would get better and go back to work so I can get a decent night sleep... But that's just me being selfish.

How do you moms do it? I don't know if I could handle this level of exhaustion for long periods of time...

Sorry for the rambling, crazy, crabby, rant... As you can probably deduce, I am exhausted and will be turning my computer off shortly to try to get some sleep... We'll see...

I guess I will accept that it is winter...

The ice-covered Apache has returned to my header... I guess that means it is January and I should expect winter to last another 4 months...

I think that this is one of the few times that I wish I were in Hawaii... But maybe with the option to travel between Alaska and Hawaii as often as I want for variety...

You'll know I'm sick of winter when my blog has the look of a luau.

He gets a pass...

Aaron's surley and downright mean mood lately is excused...

He had to have emergency oral surgery today to address an abscess in one of his molars that was effecting the nerve. He didn't sleep at all last night. He was overwhelmingly crabby today (and rightly so). We found him a new dentist (and he likes the new dentist, so SCORE!) and they took a look and it was abscessed. Luckily, the infection hadn't spread to the surrounding teeth, yet. And it was lucky that the oral surgeon could get him in so quickly. He no longer has the 2nd from the back molar on his right side. He will also be in some pretty good pain for a while, at least once the really good meds wear off. I'm sure vicoden will be his friend for at least a couple of days. I'm really glad that the severe pain is over and all he has to deal with now is the ache of healing. He also has to take antibiotics to get rid of the infection, but he's on the right path.

I am keeping him home from work for a few extra days. He was scheduled to go back to work tomorrow, but there is no way in hell I was putting him on a plane when he was screaming in pain... And no way I'm sending him up there until it heals for a couple more days. I'm hoping he will stay home till Monday. That will give him ample time to heal up a bit more and get into a routine of maintenance.

Hard work and sacrifices...

It's amazing how much hard work pays off...but are the sacrifices you have to make for the result worth it?

I received my final grade for one of my classes that I just completed last week. I finished it with 100%! Yay me! I was so excited! I immediately ran into the other room, joyously exclaiming to my husband that I got an A! All my hard work paid off!

His response... yay.

A little anti-climactic, don't you think?

I know he's been a little (or a lot) frustrated with my schedule this week. He was disappointed when I started my new classes on Monday. He's been wanting my attention all week, complaining that as soon as I get home from work, I (might) eat dinner, then I disappear in my office until I'm ready for bed.

Which, for the most part, is true. I only have 4 hours a day to do my school work and turn it in on-time, thanks to the time difference between where I live and where my school is based. That's not a lot of time to prepare responses and finalize assignments, or read a chapter of a text book in one night...

So, I guess I have been isolating myself a lot lately. But I don't see any other way to handle my school work right now. I try to work at least one day ahead on my assignments, so I don't HAVE to push it every night. I can take a few hours to spend time with my husband. But sometimes, it doesn't work out that way.

I have to think to myself, is all the work I'm putting into getting my degree worth it in the end if my relationship suffers? On one hand, I know it is very important to our life that I have my degree. I also know that Aaron can't have everything he wants, when he wants it. On some level, he needs to grow up and accept the fact that I need to do this. But I also don't want to completely cut myself off from him, especially when he is only home for 2 weeks at a time. I would much rather spend my time hanging out with him than debating whether or not capital punishment is a good thing... I don't want him to think that my priorities in life are WORK-SCHOOL-AARON... As you can see, I'm very conflicted...

So, how do I handle all my responsibilities? My career, my education, my husband? Do I drop out of school (again) so that I can be there for him? Do I tell him to let me do what I need to do? Do I drop to part-time at work and live frugally? Or do I just keep working like I have been and hope that he gets used to it? I have no idea. 


I have started working on my homework downstairs, where he generally is. While this helps to satisfy his need to spend time with me (as he is usually on his computer anyway, with his focus split), this doesn't help me to actually complete an assignment. It is difficult to concentrate on my task at hand when he tries to carry on a conversation with me while I'm typing a response or reading a section in my text book.

He goes back to work on Friday. I have shut myself in my office this evening to allow me to focus on my assignments that are due tomorrow. If I have them done and submitted tonight, then I won't have to do any school work tomorrow and I can spend his last night home with him. Again, another sacrifice. Avoiding him tonight so I can spend time with him tomorrow...

Waiting...

What am I waiting for, you ask? Well:

I'm waiting for the snow to stop... Yes, I'm aware that I live in Alaska, and it is winter, but after the holidays, the snow gets depressing... And it's been snowing all day today so the roads are crap and I'll probably have to shovel my way to my front door when I get home... (sigh)

I'm waiting for my work day to end... Yes, I am aware that I am spending the last 10 minutes I should be working on something personal, but "thems the brakes" (I don't know where I picked up that particular phrase, but it seemed appropriate in the moment). Once I get home, I'll be busy with dinner and school, so this is the only time I have to update everyone on my goings-on...

I am waiting for my ride... My husband took the car this afternoon and went to play at the hanger... Usually when he does this, he is about 10 minutes late picking me up from work, so I don't feel too bad about the other 10 minutes, referenced above...

I'm waiting for bed-time... I need a decent night sleep... Despite a headache last night, Aaron was well enough to chatter at me all night... Even when he could see that my glasses were off, my eyes were closed, and I was all snuggled in bed, he proceeded to carry on a conversation with me (after midnight, no less)... Yeah, as soon a I would just start to doze, he would demand an answer or response to something he just said, or something he just saw on TV... (sigh)... If I didn't love him so much, I probably would have smacked him...

I'm waiting for... uh... I think that's about it... At least, for the moment. It'll be nice once the post-final brain-hurt (I think I just made up a word... not quite a headache, but that mild grogginess that you get in your brain when it has been overworked... just sayin) is done and I can think clearly again.

It's almost time to go home... Where's my sled-dog team?

I love my man!

During this crazy-hectic-busy week for me, Aaron has been a gem. Not only has he completed the work on the kitchen and finished painting the wall that he started painting well over a year ago, but he has been keeping up with the housework too! I have been so spoiled. Every time I turn around, a pile has been put away. The never-ending supply of dirt and pine needles that get tracked in by the dog has been swept up almost as soon as it hits the floor. The dishes have been loaded in the dishwasher and RUN! I am so freaking amazed and surprised and thankful. Where did this behavior come from? Probably from actually doing work on the house. He wants it to look nice, and since he knows I don't have the time to devote to it right now (finals going on at the moment), and he's not doing much, that he can do it! I feel so loved at the moment that he is allowing me to split my focus to finish my classes (the new ones start on Monday). I wanted him to know how much I appreciate everything he's been doing for me lately.

Love you, honey!

Finally! He did something to the house!

Ever since we moved into our house in Juneau (about 2 years ago), I have been wanting Aaron to do some work on the house. His priorities were the airplane, so my requests were not answered... until now! (I guess he got tired of me complaining and couldn't come up with something better for me for Christmas... Whatever, I'm just glad it's done!)

I'm not going to repeat what he said about it. Mainly because I don't have the pictures on my netbook and I don't want to get into copying them from his site.. He made a post about the Kitchen Remodel-Lite on his blog. He has pictures of the "after". We'll have to look through our photo archives to see if we can find a "before" picture for you. He didn't take any pictures before he started doing the work.

Day 1...

For the first time since 2005, I was able to celebrate the new year with my husband. The stars aligned and he was able to come home late yesterday. We couldn't find anything interesting on TV last night, so we watched "UP" On-Demand last night until the stroke of midnight. We toasted the new year with some champagne, then Aaron got to open one of his presents (the one he already knew he was getting).

We slept in today and have had a pretty relaxed day. He's been organizing music on his computer and I've been working on my final projects for school. Tonight, we have a date :)