Three Strikes...

After much deliberation and debate, Aaron and I decided that it would be a good idea to adopt another dog to add to our family and be a companion for Noni. This past week, my friend introduced me to a 3 month old puppy that looks just like Noni (although, with different breeding). We started the process by contacting the rescue group that had the puppy. Sadly, that one had been adopted already, but she had a brother that was still available. We read all about him and saw his picture and wanted him immediately! It was like the stars were aligning to help us grow our family!

I spoke with the rescue group today and completed an adoption application over the phone (they are in Utah). I answered all the questions honestly (although, now I wish I had lied). We were denied, and not because of our location...

Strike one - I have mild allergies to dogs... Nevermind the fact that I have found how to deal with my allergies with Noni. I keep her hair short to reduce the amount of shedding and I take medication to control my symptoms. I realize that allergies are not the fault of the dog, so I don't take it out on her... I couldn't get the woman to understand that if allergies were SUCH a problem for me, that I wouldn't have my extremely hairy dog.

Strike two - We have had to give up a dog in the past for reasons outside of our control. Just because we had to move and we were unable to take the dog with us because we couldn't secure housing that allowed  us to have her almost 10 years ago, we aren't fit to take on another dog. We found a good home for her with friends, so it's not like we abandoned her on the roadside. But, apparently, in order to be a good dog owner, you can NEVER give up another animal in your lifetime and if you do, you are not worthy of having a pet.

Strike three - We don't have a fenced in yard... Since when did this requirement become mandatory? Noni has used the back yard for her facilities since we moved in to this house 3 years ago... It hasn't been a problem. Would I like a fenced in back yard? Yes... Is it practical for me to have a fenced in back yard? No... In 3 years, my dog has not choked herself while on her dog lead in the back yard, but that doesn't matter. Promises to supervise the puppy any time it was in the back yard were ignored...

This whole ordeal has left me feeling very emotional... They made me feel like I'm an unfit pet owner... Like, how dare I take in a puppy at the age of 3 1/2 weeks and raise her with care and love, never leaving her for longer than I had to. How dare I ensure that she has the best veterinarian in the city to take care of her (it's true, Noni's vet was just voted the best in the city). How dare I worry about every little wheeze or limp, and even go so far as to take her to the vet every time she coughs... I must be some bad person, some evil diabolical witch for not ensuring that the house I purchased had a fenced in back yard...

Well, I say, HOW DARE THEY MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY! HOW DARE THEY THINK THAT I WOULD BE AN UNFIT PET OWNER. I could understand if their biggest concern was sending the dog to Alaska. But, with Aaron's jump seat benefits, he could (and would) go down personally to pick up the puppy.

But, no... My back yard isn't fenced, I occasionally sneeze in my house, and I broke my heart in two 10 years ago when I had to make a choice that was in the best interest of everyone... For that, I don't deserve a puppy...

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

I have 3 more days before Aaron comes home again. I am trying to have a positive outlook for the month of October, despite the fact that I live hundreds if not thousands of miles away from my family and I will be ringing in my 30th birthday alone because of Aaron's schedule. I'm not terribly excited about it. It's not really your birthday if you have to celebrate it 2 weeks before or 2 weeks after.

Maybe if I think "raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens," I will be so happy with turning 30 that I'll crap rainbow gumdrops where ever I go. Or I could just drink tequila... Lots and lots of tequila...

The joys of Rheumatoid Arthritis...

Ok, there really aren't any joys to having such a debilitating disease... but how else am I supposed to look at something that affects me so much?

I have been spoiled for the last two weeks. With a glorious high pressure system camped out in Canada for a while, Juneau was blessed with wonderful, non-rainy weather for about 2 weeks straight. Easing into that kind of weather system, I started feeling better and better. I had lots of energy, as was evident in my previous post.

Notice how I said "was" - as in past tense?

Sometime in the night, a major low pressure system moved just off the coast of Southeast Alaska, signaling the end of my glorious weather. Waking up this morning, it was like someone flipped a switch and turned my energy off. With my goals of walking every day, it was difficult getting out of bed this morning, but I did it. I didn't walk for a full hour, but if I had, I probably would have passed out from lack of energy. Coming home from the gym, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. But, I had to go to work today...

I wanted a nap all day. I can tell a marked difference in my joints as well. Normally, it is my knees and/or my hips that are stiff and sore when I experience a flare up, but today, it's everywhere. Throughout my back, in my shoulders, elbows, hips, knees, feet... It's not painful in the "oh, my, that hurts" sort of way, but my joints feel tired.

I don't ever remember experiencing such extremes before. Normally, it takes a while for weather systems to affect me. That tells me this is a major system... I hope it goes away soon, or I get use to the fatigue enough to get everything done this weekend that I need to.

New Goals That Yield Surprises!

For the longest time, I have fought the urge to join a gym or a health club. I just could not fathom spending so much money a month on something that I may not "do" fully. In the past, when I would go to a health club with a friend, I pretty much just did the treadmill. Now, my mind has continually counted how many monthly gym payments it would take to buy a treadmill for my house. In my mind, it was cheaper in the long run to just buy a stupid treadmill to walk on.

With the hectic lifestyle that Aaron and I have led over the years, owning a treadmill was not an option. Imagine the cost of transporting a treadmill across the Pacific, or letting it rot with everything else in a storage unit. Or the situation is what we are in now - we just don't have room for one.

So, I've gotten over my hesitation to spend money on a gym. I joined one a few blocks away while they had an open house special and I got a month-to-month membership for the same monthly cost as a full-year membership. Normally, it's at least $20 more per month.

Since I have made the monetary commitment, I have set goals to actually attend the gym. My first goal involves waking up early and going to the gym and walk on the treadmill for one hour. Starting this past Saturday, I got up earlier than normal for a Saturday and checked day one off the list. Day two, I decided to see if I could do the elliptical machine and alternate that with the treadmill. I learned that I am more out of shape than I thought. After 15 minutes, I thought I was going to die. I spent most of Sunday coughing like I had asthma. No more elliptical machine for a while. Day 3 and Day 4 were during the work week, and brought the un-Godly hour of 5:30 AM into my life... Surprising enough, I found that on both of these days, I woke up BEFORE the alarm went off. Another surprise, I'm ACTUALLY awake... Normally, I take forever to wake up. I may be functioning at 8:30 when I report to work, but I'm not really "there" until around 10:00...

As a continuation of my goals, after I've been walking on the treadmill every day for 2 weeks, I'll try the elliptical machine again. Once I get up to where I can handle that for at least 30 minutes, I'll alternate my morning routine with that machine, as it burns more calories and has less impact on my knees than the treadmill. The gym I joined also has classes I can take. This Sunday, I'll take in the Gentle Yoga class to see if I will integrate that into my schedule. As I get healthier and more confident that I can do more without injuring myself, I'll add in some weight/resistance training to tone my muscles. Maybe, I'll even add a Spinning class... But, for right now, I'm taking it slow.

One last surprise - My allergy attacks have subsided (and as I type this, I start sneezing, I think I jinxed myself). I'm not sure if it is due to a change in the weather as it cools down for fall or my new routine, but I'll take it! The last month or two, I've been having severe allergy attacks at least every other week. They are so severe, that it takes several days for my respiratory system to recover...

I want my life back...

Almost a year ago, I decided that it would be a GREAT idea to go back to school and (finally) get my bachelor's degree... I was very self-righteous about it too! I figured that since I had spent the last 11 years of my life focusing on my husband and his career, moving so much that steady employment and education were not exactly part of my life, it was time for me...

After spending several months being stressed out from my new schedule, I still held to my convictions. Having a degree (especially since the prospect of a family is not a reality at the moment) was very important to me. I wanted to have a career and feel like I am contributing to our lifestyle...

Then came the months from HELL... Way too much stress in my life between my full time job and more demanding classes... Panic attacks were not foreign to me from the months of January to July...7 months of sheer horror... I hardly recognized myself after that experience...

Fast-forward to today... My class load is light and relatively stress free (an easy class). Aaron is home and is working on interesting projects in the hanger... So interesting that I want to hang out there with him, to see what he's up to, and to just spend little time I can with him...

Instead, I feel guilty for any time that I spend with him instead of on school work... When I make a judgment call and choose my family over my education, I get emails from my instructor telling me to do better...

Whatever, I want my life back... I want time to myself again... I want to be able to go out and spend a day with my husband without thinking that I need to finish writing a paper that was due yesterday...

But then, I think back to almost a year ago... When I had a goal of getting my bachelor's degree...

Crap.

Respect

With all the changes in my life (my personal health and otherwise), I have discovered a need for respect. I have been flying off the handle a lot more than normal recently, and it has been affecting my marriage. I get irate when driving when other drivers do not participate in the "rules of the road", such as using a turn signal... My reactions are too angry and violent to be normal. For the most part, I can put blame on my new medication. Ever since I started taking it, my mood swings have been getting more severe. I need to talk to my doctor about it (and the fact that it isn't working as effectively anymore, but that's another story).

In the mean time, I have to deal with my outbursts in a healthier way. I have decided to focus my efforts on respect - feeling and expressing respect for others and myself. It seems to be helping in some areas, but it is a struggle. Especially when I feel that I am not respected as a person...

Today I had to do something that I never wanted to do... I turned in a neighbor to the police. Granted, I don't think that this neighbor was following the law, but still... This particular neighbor has been burning brush in their yard repeatedly since they took possession of the house several months ago. It makes it so I can't open my windows in my house because it will fill with smoke. Today was the last straw. The entire neighborhood was filled with smoke and the smell permeated my house despite the closed and locked windows and doors. I looked out my back door and they were burning brush (pine needles, etc) that creates a lot of smoke. I feel that this action is disrespectful to the entire neighborhood. Rather than go over there to have words with them (which would have escalated in an unhealthy way, in my opinion), I called the police department to determine what the law regarding open burning was. After describing the scene to the dispatcher, they sent a police officer over to see if they were complying with the law (one part of which includes having a burn permit). Ever since then, I haven't experienced any smoke.

I hope that the police officer was able to explain the law respectfully to these people. I also hope that they didn't tell them that it was me that sparked the inquiry. The last time we had to have a police officer visit a neighbor, we were the object of persecution from the neighbors. I really don't want that to happen here. I also don't want to smell smoke constantly... Decisions, decisions...

The great debate...

Lately, I've been wondering if I should start taking flying lessons again.

Aaron got his CFI primarily to teach me to fly. Shortly after he obtained his CFI, he bought me a Piper Tri-Pacer for my birthday (hence, my alter-ego, TriPacerChick). I thoroughly enjoyed flying the Tri-Pacer, but my fears got the best of me. The answer to the question "why" didn't come to me until recently. I have evaluated the situation and have come to the conclusion that I am a perfectionist, and I tend to freak the @*#$ out if I feel that I can't do it for some reason or another (or I just shut down, one or the other). I lost the passion for flying when my fear overcame me. The excuse that Aaron was too busy to work with me once he started flying commercially was just that - a handy excuse.

Aaron has been pressuring me to return to flying for several years now. I have not appreciated his pressuring. In fact, it has pissed me off more than anything. I had a good heart-to-heart with Aaron about the reasoning behind my fears and hesitation. He does not want to instruct the way I want him to, mainly because he has his own theories on the matter. He is also a sadistic instructor, throwing all manner of obstacles in the way of his students to get them to learn to handle any situation. I know this and it makes me even more nervous.

So, the great debate is - do I take up the lessons again? I have a lot of mental obstacles to get over before I can. But, if I do, it will be on my terms. With Aaron being so busy, and away half the month, I would do part of my lessons with the other instructor here in town. Aaron has been working with him to produce excellent pilots.

If I am able to conquer my fear, and get my pilot's license, we will buy another Tri-Pacer again. Although, that doesn't keep Aaron from wanting me to learn to fly his Pacer (currently being refurbished in Texas) and the Apache... I don't think I'm quite ready for either of those options just yet...