Respect

With all the changes in my life (my personal health and otherwise), I have discovered a need for respect. I have been flying off the handle a lot more than normal recently, and it has been affecting my marriage. I get irate when driving when other drivers do not participate in the "rules of the road", such as using a turn signal... My reactions are too angry and violent to be normal. For the most part, I can put blame on my new medication. Ever since I started taking it, my mood swings have been getting more severe. I need to talk to my doctor about it (and the fact that it isn't working as effectively anymore, but that's another story).

In the mean time, I have to deal with my outbursts in a healthier way. I have decided to focus my efforts on respect - feeling and expressing respect for others and myself. It seems to be helping in some areas, but it is a struggle. Especially when I feel that I am not respected as a person...

Today I had to do something that I never wanted to do... I turned in a neighbor to the police. Granted, I don't think that this neighbor was following the law, but still... This particular neighbor has been burning brush in their yard repeatedly since they took possession of the house several months ago. It makes it so I can't open my windows in my house because it will fill with smoke. Today was the last straw. The entire neighborhood was filled with smoke and the smell permeated my house despite the closed and locked windows and doors. I looked out my back door and they were burning brush (pine needles, etc) that creates a lot of smoke. I feel that this action is disrespectful to the entire neighborhood. Rather than go over there to have words with them (which would have escalated in an unhealthy way, in my opinion), I called the police department to determine what the law regarding open burning was. After describing the scene to the dispatcher, they sent a police officer over to see if they were complying with the law (one part of which includes having a burn permit). Ever since then, I haven't experienced any smoke.

I hope that the police officer was able to explain the law respectfully to these people. I also hope that they didn't tell them that it was me that sparked the inquiry. The last time we had to have a police officer visit a neighbor, we were the object of persecution from the neighbors. I really don't want that to happen here. I also don't want to smell smoke constantly... Decisions, decisions...

The great debate...

Lately, I've been wondering if I should start taking flying lessons again.

Aaron got his CFI primarily to teach me to fly. Shortly after he obtained his CFI, he bought me a Piper Tri-Pacer for my birthday (hence, my alter-ego, TriPacerChick). I thoroughly enjoyed flying the Tri-Pacer, but my fears got the best of me. The answer to the question "why" didn't come to me until recently. I have evaluated the situation and have come to the conclusion that I am a perfectionist, and I tend to freak the @*#$ out if I feel that I can't do it for some reason or another (or I just shut down, one or the other). I lost the passion for flying when my fear overcame me. The excuse that Aaron was too busy to work with me once he started flying commercially was just that - a handy excuse.

Aaron has been pressuring me to return to flying for several years now. I have not appreciated his pressuring. In fact, it has pissed me off more than anything. I had a good heart-to-heart with Aaron about the reasoning behind my fears and hesitation. He does not want to instruct the way I want him to, mainly because he has his own theories on the matter. He is also a sadistic instructor, throwing all manner of obstacles in the way of his students to get them to learn to handle any situation. I know this and it makes me even more nervous.

So, the great debate is - do I take up the lessons again? I have a lot of mental obstacles to get over before I can. But, if I do, it will be on my terms. With Aaron being so busy, and away half the month, I would do part of my lessons with the other instructor here in town. Aaron has been working with him to produce excellent pilots.

If I am able to conquer my fear, and get my pilot's license, we will buy another Tri-Pacer again. Although, that doesn't keep Aaron from wanting me to learn to fly his Pacer (currently being refurbished in Texas) and the Apache... I don't think I'm quite ready for either of those options just yet...